MAGIC         PORK

I stopped by Circuit City after work today to return something. On my way into the store, I see some people, maybe 5 or so - I tried to avoid eye contact. They were sitting on the ground, huddled in the rain, under sheets of plastic tarp.

As the young woman at the customer service desk is going through that whole return process, I ask her the question she had probably heard dozens of times that day.

Me: Why are there people sitting in the rain outside of the store?

Her: They’re waiting for the PlayStation 3.

Me: How long have they been waiting?

Her: They started yesterday. It goes on sale Friday morning.

(This was Wednesday night.)

Me: (pause) I see.

Then another customer, some big guy down the counter from us pipes in with “What are they, idiots?”

She didn’t answer that. She obviously thought they were, but that’s a tough position for her to be in. You don’t want to be calling your store’s customers idiots, especially ones that are waiting to plop down a good sum of money.

Now, I thought the people that camped out waiting for Star Wars Episode 1 were idiots but I could at least see where they were coming from. They were fans of the movies and they had been waiting a long time for it and this was a huge event for them. There was a sense of being part of something big, and they were basically hanging out with their friends anyway. Yeah okay, it was really stupid, I won’t try to justify it.

But this… is just a video game console. You buy it, then you bring it back home and that’s that. You’re not even waiting for an event that you’ll be experiencing with other people. If you really had to line up for it or else be forced to wait another month for it to get back in stock… maybe… it would make a little sense. It would make at least Star-Wars-waiting sense, which is not much. But even if we assume it’s going to sell out on opening day, don’t you think you could just come really early on Friday morning? I mean are there really that many people that are going to be waiting for this thing that you’d have to line up days in advance? I think not.

The second thing that crossed my mind as I was exiting that place was: don’t these people have any responsibilities whatsoever? They couldn’t have jobs, or if they did then that means they took time off to sit on the ground outside a store and that’s REALLY stupid. So they must be students - but even then, what kind of coursework do they have that they can do this? Maybe their school is on Thanksgiving break already? I sincerely hope so.

I should go back tomorrow and ask each of them to pose for a photo. If they ask me why, I’ll say I want to keep them so if any of them ever apply for a job where I work I’ll know to show them to the door right away.

In fact why stop there… I could create a whole online database of photos that people submit. Then if you want to check someone out, you’d submit the photo and the facial recognition software would bring up matches on what stupid things the person did. It would be like a background check, except background checks don’t catch things like waiting in line for a PS3. And sometimes you might not even know the person’s name. Hey that guy’s personal ad looks okay, not bad looking… but wait, before you respond better run his photo through DrainOnSociety.com. Someone snapped a photo of him writing a check to pay for $12 in groceries? Forget it.

The problem is, people would submit their ex-wives or bosses or what have you, just out of spite. And then there would be libel lawsuits… yeah probably not worth it. But then again forget that, I would submit all the photos. I’m the only one I would trust to make the right calls on whether someone deserves to be in the database and I’d be willing to back it up in court.

Hmm… I see there’s already a DrainOnSociety.com. I’ll buy it from him in exchange for not making him the first person in my database.

I didn’t see this until after the election. Would have been better to have posted it earlier due to the thousands of people from Nevada that read my blog and count on me for my wisdom and sage advice.

It’s a video explaining what voting yes on Nevada’s Question 7 would mean. That’s the ballot initiative that would have legalized marijuana. Highly regulated, but legalized nonetheless. Well it was voted down, 56% to 44%. I think all drugs should be legalized but even if you don’t have as libertarian of a viewpoint as me, I just think legalizing marijuana is a no-brainer. If nicotine and alcohol are legal, it just makes no sense to be throwing people in jail over marijuana.

I tried to embed the YouTube video onto the page, but I have to do some fancy stuff to get it working with a WordPress blog so forget it. That YouTube site’s probably not going to be around much longer anyway. What’s that? 1.65 BILLION???!! Sigh.

Here’s the video

Faithful readers surely have noticed my extended absence. I haven’t posted in nearly 2 months. Well I’m finally back from my African safari and let me tell you, it was fantastic! There were lions and uh… giraffes. Lots of water buffalo… let’s see.. zebra, saw one of those. What else?

Oh okay, you got me. I’ve been here in Rochester the whole time. I’ve been pretty busy but that’s not much of an excuse. I just haven’t felt like writing. But I know my huge fanbase (ahem) must be absolutely going nuts without their magicpork fix so I’d better post something.

Then again, I stop blogging and what happens? The Democrats take Congress, Rumsfeld gets the boot, and Britney files for divorce. Maybe I shouldn’t start up again. (If you’re ever in Rochester, Britney, look me up. I even have the same name as your soon-to-be ex-husband, so you could scream his name out in bed and I’d never know.)

I saw two great documentaries recently, both of them absolutely infuriating. Both of them I went into the movie thinking I probably wasn’t going to hear anything I hadn’t heard before, but I was wrong.

Deliver Us From Evil is about Father Oliver O’Grady, who molested children for years, and when his church superiors found out, they’d simply move him to different parishes and allow him to continue. There’s no question that this happened. He openly admits to what he did and talks at length to the camera. He says he’s sorry for what he did, but he doesn’t seem to show any real remorse or understanding of just how much he devastated these families. His level of remorse is about the same as if he had swore at someone and then felt bad about it. But even more maddening is seeing the lengths to which the Catholic church went to protect him and keep it covered up. I think the movie was just a tad too long and overreached a little towards the end, but that’s a pretty minor quibble.

The other movie was American Blackout. It was about U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney and the disenfranchisement of thousands of black voters in the 2000 and 2004 elections. I didn’t know much about McKinney going into this movie except that there was some news story about her assaulting a guard a while back. (The movie didn’t address that but in the Q&A afterwards, the producer explained that the incident got blown way out of proportion.) I had heard about the problems with black voters getting turned away or having to wait in disproportionately long lines, but I have to admit, I didn’t think there was such strong evidence for it. It was pretty eye-opening and I would encourage everyone to see it.

OK, that’s it for now. Hopefully I won’t wait so long to post again.