MAGIC         PORK

Last Wednesday, I ordered a large pepperoni pizza and wings from Pizza Hut. Normally if I eat pizza, I just get a slice or two if it’s just me eating it. But I was getting some minor medical procedure done the next day. I got my generous uvula removed. No, I joke. Although my doctor did tell me that if it continued to be a problem, I could get it removed. Apparently the uvula doesn’t really serve a purpose. But I’d still hate to have it removed. It’s like that guy from The Mighty Mighty Bosstones that doesn’t do anything except dance around. The band would be just fine without him but it just wouldn’t seem right.

Nevermind what the procedure was. It’s not a big deal, I just don’t think I need to share every medical thing that comes up with the world and I think with how much I’ve been discussing my uvula you’re agreeing at this point. Point is, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to drive at all the next day because of getting drugged up so I figured having some leftover pizza in the fridge would be a good idea.

But before I go on with my pizza story, I have to pause and comment on the wings. I’m not a wing snob. There are some that are better than others, but I figure you can’t really mess up a chicken wing. Yet I’ve heard tales from people that have lived in other parts of the country - parts further away from wing mecca Buffalo - about how awful wings can get. I think I have an idea now of what they’re saying.

Do not get Pizza Hut wings. Fatty, soft… ugh just don’t.

I had a bunch of pizza left over so I put it on a plate and tightly wrapped it in plastic. (I can’t say that without thinking of Twin Peaks: “She’s dead. Wrapped in plastic.”) Next day turns out… hey who woulda known the doctor would recommend against eating greasy pizza that day. So it went to waste and then for various reasons I didn’t end up eating it over the next couple days either.

Then I started to think “well, it’s been sitting there a while, I shouldn’t eat it now” and avoided it but didn’t get around to actually throwing it out. So fast forward to today, the following Tuesday. Six days later.

I took out the pizza, intending to throw it out, and looked at it. Hmm still looked good. I peeled back the plastic. Sniffed it. Mmmm smelled good. Crust must be stale by now though. Wow, no crust didn’t feel stale. Now I realized I was seriously considering eating this.

But no I thought, it can’t still be good to eat this six days later. So I turned to - who else? - my trusty friend Internet. According to a few sites, pepperoni pizza is only good refrigerated for 3-4 days. Oh well, it’s as I suspected. So I went to toss it but hesitated. I just couldn’t get over that it seemed fine!

I hazarded a tiny bite. Still tasted fine. Then I thought no don’t be silly, it’s not like I’m in the poorhouse here, just toss it. And I did. Not worth risking my health. But then afterwards I regretted it. Those guidelines are just for the average person - not a Rochestarian who’s subjected his system to garbage plates. Those must have built up some immunity.

Doctors should be trained to ask about this.

Patient: I just swallowed a bottle of Drano!!

Doctor: I see… How many garbage plates have you eaten in your lifetime?

Patient: What? Like ever? I don’t know, maybe 2-3 dozen.

Doctor: I wouldn’t worry. Just go home and sleep it off. If you’d like, you can pick up a chili dog from the stand outside on your way home.

What do you think? Was it safe to eat?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 at 12:20 am and is filed under general. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.