MAGIC         PORK

I don’t wear pajamas to bed, just boxers. But I have a pair of pajama pants that I’ll change into sometimes when I get home. Today I was about to put my shoes on to leave when I realized I still had my pajama pants on. “That would have been embarrassing”, I thought. Then I thought about how many times I’ve seen people out in their pajamas and thought “I’ve been meaning to do another post for a while now, this is as good a topic as any”. Nevermind that I have a whole list of topics I’ve accumulated that for some reason I never feel like writing. Trust me, some of them are gold. I think I’ll save those for when I get a big book deal.

It was probably a couple of years ago when I first started seeing this. That’s right, not even in college do I remember seeing someone wear pajamas outside of the dorms. I did a double-take, thinking “Is that girl wearing pajamas? What a slob! Or wait, maybe she’s just Bohemian. Better not look at her any more so she doesn’t get the satisfaction of knowing that I notice.” (I do that when I see someone that clearly wants to stand out from the crowd. I try to annoy them by acting as if they’re no different than anybody else around me. Giant mohawk? Hmmph I hadn’t noticed.)

But then to my horror I started seeing more and more pajamas. What the hell was going on here? Since when did people start leaving the house with pajamas on?

Most of the time, people do it when they’re going about daily chores but there was even once I saw two 20-something girls come into a restaurant (Aja Noodle) and sit down and have dinner, both with pajamas on.

I still held onto my sanity by assuring myself that the people that did that must just be dimwits or stoners. I mean how much effort does it take to:

1. Pull down your pajama bottoms.
2. Pull on a pair of jeans.
3. Zip up said jeans.

Too many steps for you? OK, how about sweatpants. That way you can skip step 3 and that also solves the case where all you own are low-rise, super-tight, and uncomfortable jeans. I’m not asking you to do your hair. Leave that messy if you want. Just take that ounce of effort needed to present yourself to the world please.

But my world was rocked when one day I said something about it to the girl I had started dating and she admitted that she would leave the house with pajamas on too. She’s intelligent and isn’t a stoner so I have to abandon that theory.

Not only would I not wear pajamas outside because of looking like a slob, I also wouldn’t do it because why would you want to go to bed in something you were wearing out? I’m not a germaphobe by any means, but it just seems gross to me that you’d potentially brush up against stuff: doors, counters, the car, or possibly the bottoms would touch snow or something, and then you just hop in bed. Maybe it’s because I’m almost naked when I go to bed that it seems gross to me.

My ex-girlfriend didn’t get why I’d think that was gross but she was a doctor and, like apparently a lot of doctors do (at least residents & medical students), she’d just wear her scrubs around after leaving the hospital. So if you don’t have a problem wearing the thing you were wearing all day as you were seeing patients and looking inside people and stuff, I suppose pajamas won’t phase you. She is an OB/GYN doctor so I would tell her that she had vagina germs all over her. I wouldn’t want to touch her until she changed out of them - and preferably took a shower in case any vagina germs hopped onto her skin too. When I’d see her plop down on the couch with her scrubs on, I’d think ewww how many babies did she deliver today?

Of course I realize I was being a little unreasonable - it’s not like she had juices all over her - but that’s basically what I was envisioning. She said it didn’t quite work that way but who are you going to believe, a doctor or me? I thought so.

So in summary, if you’re Hugh Hefner you can wear pajamas outside. Otherwise you just look silly.