MAGIC         PORK

Now the continuation of my award-winning_* series of “All __ tonight” posts (see here and here).

In a previous post, I said:

I once walked into a gay bar with a fedora on my head and handcuffs hanging from my belt. But that’s for a different post.

I’ve left you all in suspence about that long enough, although I have a feeling some of you weren’t in suspence at all and were thinking “yep, that confirms my suspicions”.

I deliberately made that sound more shocking than it was. Some of you may have figured out my oh-so-clever puzzle: It was Halloween. I was dressed like a 1940’s style detective. I’ve used the detective costume a couple of times because it’s pretty easy to pull off with a couple of props.

I had a shirt & tie and a trenchcoat on, and had a badge, gun, handcuffs… you get the idea. Oh and the fedora. But that doesn’t explain the gay bar. I’m getting there.

I went to a Halloween party with a couple of friends and at the party, I met two of my friend’s friends, a woman and man, who are both gay. I’m avoiding using names here because I don’t know if they’re “out” and this is getting confusing. I’ll make up pseudonyms like they do on news shows. Just picture these people in silhouette and voices synthesized to get the full effect. I’ll start again…

I went to a Halloween party with my friends “Yakov” and “Dominique”. At the party, I met two of Dominique’s friends… uh.. “Maximus” and “Esmerelda”, who are both gay.

Later in the night, Dominique said Maximus and Esmerelda had left to go to a gay bar called RJ’s and we should go meet up with them there. Yakov & I were like “okay whatever”. I’ve never been to a gay bar before but I’ve been to couple of gay parties before. My friend Mike… I mean “Galileo”… met his future wife at one of them, in fact. Not my scene but it doesn’t bother me at all so I thought why not. Let’s see what a gay bar looks like.

It looked like a bar. There was a pool table. We played pool for a while, then left. No one even hit on me. Disappointing. Just because I’m not into guys doesn’t mean I don’t want to be found attractive. I told myself they must have just sensed that I wasn’t gay. Yeah that’s it.

I saw someone I used to work with at a previous job and nodded a hi to him from across the bar. I wasn’t surprised to see him there. I didn’t know if he was out, but I always assumed he was gay. But then I realized… oh no, now he probably thinks I’m gay! When we were deciding to go to this place, I was just thinking “I don’t have a problem with gay people so who cares”. I hadn’t thought “what if someone sees me and thinks I’m gay?”. I couldn’t very well go up to him and say “Hey how’s it going? Cool… cool… So hey funny how I’m NOT GAY yet I’m in a gay bar huh?? Funny funny stuff… Yeah, I’d LOOOOVE to get with those lesbians over there… because I’m… so… straight. OK, see ya!” If anything would scream that I’m gay that would be it. Oh well. I haven’t heard anything from my friends at that company so I think I’m “in the clear”.

A couple of weeks later, I was at a stoplight right by this bar and I looked over at the sign. Wait a minute. That sign doesn’t say RJ’s. It looks like it says… Nasty D’s?? I went to a gay bar called NASTY D’s??!!

I found out the story later. It used to be RJ’s and it changed to Nasty D’s at some point, but some people hate the name so they still call it RJ’s. I don’t blame them. What a horrible name. I was okay going to a gay bar but if Dominique (us friends call her “Dom”) had told me that she wanted to go to a gay bar called Nasty D’s, there’s no way in hell I would have gone. Gay people having drinks are one thing, but I don’t want gay people getting nasty on me.

Now when I pass by that bar I think of that song by Janet Jackson. “No my first name ain’t baby. It’s Janet. Miss Jackson if you’re nasty!! Nastyyyyy nasty boys…”

_{* It’s not award-winning}

This entry was posted on Monday, January 21st, 2008 at 10:42 pm and is filed under general. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.