I think it’s time for another post about bad lyrics. Almost two years ago, I griped about Silverchair lyrics in parts one and two. This time I’m going to complain about a much more popular artist: Rod Stewart. And a much much more popular song: Maggie May.
Some of you will be aghast that I would disparage such a great song but I think once you see what I have to say you’ll agree. Because I’ve convinced myself of my superior powers of convincing.
The tune of Maggie May is okay. I don’t get why it was such a success, but I think I’d be inclined to like it on the music alone. The subject of the song I don’t have a problem with either. I don’t know if it’s based on a real experience in Rod Stewart’s life, but it certainly sounds like an honest song about a real experience. But I just can’t get past the horrible lyrics.
Many of the lyrics in the song are fine, but then he’ll throw in some line that seems clearly like he was stretching for a rhyme. It just sounds so amateur. Then again, since the protagonist is a young uneducated kid, maybe that was the intent and he’s a more genius songwriter than I’m giving him credit for.
I’ll reproduce the lyrics here, commenting on the groan-inducing rhymes. Feel free to groan along at home.
Maggie May
Wake up Maggie, I think I got something to say to you
It’s late September and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused but I feel I’m being used
Editor: Uggggh… amused/used. And who says “keep you amused”? In other words “I amuse you” but that wouldn’t rhyme so I’ll twist it around so that it does.
Oh Maggie, I couldn’t have tried any more
You lured me away from home
Just to save you from being alone
Editor: Not horrible… worthy of a wince but not quite a groan.
You stole my heart and that’s what really hurts
Editor: The last line of each verse doesn’t rhyme with anything, which I commend him on. I wish he had followed that policy for the entire song.
The morning sun, when it’s in your face really shows your age
But that don’t worry me none, in my eyes you’re everything
I laughed at all of your jokes, my love, you didn’t need to coax
Editor: WORST LINE OF THE SONG. There should be a room in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland for worst lyrics, and this should be inscribed over the entrance. I hear this line and I picture Rod in one of those typical movie scenes, bent over a pad of paper with a pencil in hand, surrounded by a hundred wadded up pieces of paper on the floor. “What rhymes with jokes?.. ‘Folks’? No.. ‘Smokes’? Hmm ‘You even let me bum your smokes.’ No.. ‘Cokes’? ‘Coax!’ Yes! You didn’t need to coax my love… but how do I get the word ‘coax’ at the end of the line? I know, I’ll just move the subject to the beginning of the line. Perfect! Moving on..” Hey Rod: your lyrics, they suck. I’ll use your technique on a line of my own: “You’re so lazy with your verses / My mouth, you make erupt in curses”.
Oh Maggie, I couldn’t have tried any more
Editor: As I said: lazy. You should be apologizing to us for not trying hard enough.
You lured me away from home
Just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that’s a pain I can do without
All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand
But you turned into a lover and mother, what a lover, you wore me out
Editor: ???
All you did was wreck my bed and in the morning kick me in the head
Editor: ???!!!! Either this guy is really really stretching for a rhyme or he was making love to a horse.
Oh Maggie, I couldn’t have tried anymore
You lured me away from home
‘Cause you didn’t wanna be alone
You stole my heart, I couldn’t leave you if I tried
Editor: Yeah we’re getting that whole lack-of-trying thing.
I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school
Editor: And take some grammar classes perhaps?
Or steal my daddy’s cue and make a living out of playing pool
Editor: Okay I admit the double-meaning of ‘cue’ is somewhat clever, but it seems he made up this “father is a pool player” thing just for a rhyme.
Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helpin’ hand
Editor: Here Rod, I think you dropped something… some syllables. Heh.
Oh Maggie, I wished I’d never seen your face
You made a first-class fool out of me
But I’m blind as a fool can be
You stole my heart but I love you anyway
Editor: This is the only decent verse of the song. It’s merely mediocre, not horrible.
Maggie, I wished I’d never seen your face
I’ll get on back home one of these days
Here’s where the song ends and you don’t get to hear Maggie’s response to being woke up by some lazy punk telling her she looks old, and he wishes he never saw her face, and she makes love like a large farm animal. Or perhaps his mother. That’s a shame, because I think it would have made for an interesting song.
