MAGIC         PORK

It’s Thursday night, which means I’ll be hearing the sounds of Alexander St Pub until the bar closes. That means drunken yells and thumping from the music. It’s not like it’s really loud, but enough for me to notice. See, my apartment building is right near their deck and the parking lot where a lot of the customers park - and my bedroom is on the side facing them. On Friday & Saturday I don’t mind because I’m up late too, but for some reason Thursdays are always packed there. Does anyone know why? I assume it’s ladies’ night. I need to go undercover one of these nights and find out.

Yes even in the winter it’s packed. They must have heaters out there. I wonder how warm the heaters will keep them when they get pelted by water balloons… say from some slingshot contraption. I said “undercover” for a reason.

But making noise on the deck of a bar, I can understand. That’s an issue I should take up with the management… and don’t think I won’t! But what I really want to talk about is the screaming that goes on as girls are walking back to their cars. If any of you loud girls stumbled across my website, listen up.

You need to stop. Here’s why.

It’s 2:30 AM, the parking lot’s almost empty, you’re walking to your car and shouting into your cell phone:

Hahaha QUIT IT!!! Hahaha I didn’t get THAT drunk!! BOB!! BOB!!

But this is what I hear while lying in bed:

blah blah BLAH!! blah blah blah blah BLAH blah!! BLAH!! BLAH!!

Now here’s the thing… say you were instead saying this:

Oh my GOD!! This man’s ATTACKING me!! HELP!! HELP!!

Guess what? It would sound the same to me. How many more times do you think I’ll get out of bed and look out my window just in case there’s really a girl in trouble out there? So if you ever want someone to actually pay attention when you’re shouting for help, SHUT UP!!!

I just know that when I finally decide “what are the chances?” and go back to sleep, this will be the article in the newspaper:

Woman, 22, stabbed 12 times in East End parking lot

Nearby residents heard the screams, but did nothing. “I didn’t feel like getting out of bed, ” said Kevin McMillen, whose window directly overlooks the parking lot.

So if you won’t stop screaming for your own sake, do it for me. I don’t want to get embarrassed in the newspaper.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 26th, 2006 at 7:47 pm and is filed under general. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.