MAGIC         PORK

I may be a Harry Potter fan, but I do have a gripe that I’d like to share. Oh how quickly my grief turns to anger.

These are supposedly “children’s books”. I don’t know if J.K. Rowling herself classifies them as such, but at the least they could be considered multi-age-range books. There are parts that could be dropped right into an adult book (but not the kind of adult book advertised on State St.), especially as you get further into the series. As the characters get older, the issues that the books deal with get more complex and mature as well, which is pretty cool. But when it comes down to it, they’re children’s books and I accept that.

If that’s the case, why does Rowling insist on inserting words into each of the books that I’ve never heard before? I’m always consulting my dictionary and I feel stupid because I’m thinking “This is supposed to be a children’s book!” How dare she use words that I’ve never heard before! I tell myself that must be some of those words are common in Britain. Yeah, that’s it.

The first time I came across an unknown word in this last book, it occurred to me that it might make an interesting blog entry so I jotted down every word I had to look up for that book. I found three. I now present them to you. I know there will be some know-it-alls out there (some Hermiones.. sorry, couldn’t resist) who will undoubtedly think I’m an idiot for not knowing these words. But I’m going to be honest and post them anyway.

Follow the links for the definitions:

• cravat
• satsuma
• gormless

If you say you knew what cravat and satsuma meant, then fine but gormless?? Give me a break. There’s no way you knew what that meant.

I saw this sentence from chapter 3 of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and I thought “HA! Who’s the idiot now, Ms. Rowling?”:

The misty fug his breath had left on the window sparkled in the orange glare of the streetlamp outside…

FUG??! I believe the word you’re looking for is FOG! Moron!

Then feeling all proud of myself, I looked it up online and found this. Drat!! Even if it’s a typo, it still could fit. I have nothing to do now but hang my head in defeat.

I was late to join the whole Harry Potter bandwagon. I didn’t start reading the series until November. Prior to that, I really had no interest in it. In October, there was an article in the Rochester Insider about Harry Potter fans and I didn’t even read it. I just thought “whatever”. But a few people have told me it’s good and my sister offered to let me borrow the books.

After I finished the first book, I thought it was kind of a cute story, but I didn’t see what the big deal was. But the second book got me hooked. I read through the rest of them (there’s been six so far), and also saw the first three movies on DVD and caught the 4th movie at the dollar theater before it managed to stop playing. (I liked the 2nd & 4th movies the best.)

Last Wednesday I was nearing the end of the 6th book, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It got to be 1:30 AM and I still had a ways to go so I went to bed. It’s not unusual for me to stay up until 1 AM because I have a pretty flexible work schedule and I like to stay up late, so 1:30 wasn’t outrageous. But after lying there for about 15 minutes and not any closer to sleep, I said hell with it, I might as well go read some more until I’m tired. Well you can guess where that led to. I sat in my chair reading until 4 AM. (Any coworkers reading this: Don’t worry, I was fine at work the next day! In fact I got in earlier than normal. OK, maybe I was a little tired.)

I won’t reveal what happens at the end that book, but let’s just say there’s some not-so-happy stuff. Some of it I was expecting because back in my pre-fan days I had stumbled upon it online. But what I wasn’t expecting was the funk I felt in after I finished the book. Not because of anything sad that happened in the book, although that might have been part of it, but because there’s only one more book in the series! Then that’s it! And I have to wait for her to finish it.

I know it’s pathetic. You don’t need to tell me that. But I seriously had a couple times over the few days after I finished where I’d think I’m going to read some Harry Potter, then I’d look over at my chair and there wasn’t a Harry Potter book sitting next to it and I remembered that there was no more Harry Potter. And a sadness would creep over me. See unlike most fans who are accustomed to waiting for the next book to be released, I read through them all back-to-back so I’ve just become used to there being a Harry Potter book to read.

I tried to fill the void by searching online for any & every tidbit of info I could: FAQ’s, interviews with J.K. Rowling. I stopped at the fan fiction, though. I just couldn’t go that far.

It was on the third day that I started drinking. It was the only thing that would kill the pain. OK, I’m exaggerating now.

Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I won’t turn into that woman from Misery, although I do understand where she’s coming from now. I can still remember the opening line to that book: “Yern umber whunn fayunnn. These sounds, even in the haze.” Well, close enough. I just checked it and the full quote is:

umber whunnnn
yerrrnnn umber whunnnn
fayunnnn
These sounds: even in the haze.

Not bad considering I read it back in high school. But I digress. The point is, I won’t try to chop off Rowling’s foot with an axe in order to get her to write an eighth book. Or something.